Deal with the Scary Third Parent
Featured in The Times of India. How my 13-year-old went from copy-pasting ChatGPT homework to building his own sports dashboard using AI.
Featured in The Times of India
Last week, The Times of India published "How AI is becoming the third parent, and why that's scary", a piece by Neha Bhayana, which covered aspects of what I've been sharing in my weekly newsletters and on Raising Humans 2.0. Grateful to be featured, it's important advice every parent needs now.
Key Takeaway for AI-Age Parents:
When a 13-year-old starts using ChatGPT to copy-paste homework, the instinct is to ban AI entirely. But banning creates resistance, not learning. By modelling intentional AI use, applying The 80% Rule (do 80% of the work yourself before opening AI), and guiding rather than restricting, a parent can shift a child's relationship with AI from dependency to creation. This article documents that journey, from homework shortcuts to building a sports tracking dashboard, and offers practical activities like the Human vs Bot Challenge for families to try at home.
This week's newsletter continues that conversation, sharing updates on how things have progressed with my kids.
What Started This
A few months ago, I walked in on my elder son doing the thing every parent dreads. Homework question, straight to ChatGPT, copy, paste, done.
No thinking. No struggle. Just outsourcing his brain to a machine.
I didn't yell. I didn't ban anything. But I did start paying attention and made some rules around using AI which I share on raisekidswhothink.com.
What Has Changed Since Then
Over a period of time I have myself learnt and become an active user of AI, working late nights and weekends which my son seems to notice. I openly discuss with him and show what I'm building. Just normal discussions about testing ideas, talking through problems out loud, getting stuck and figuring it out.
I also encourage him to think of problems his friends may have and how he can build something to solve them.
A few weeks ago, he came to me with an idea. He wanted to build a sports tracking dashboard. He's obsessed with sports, always has been, but now he wants to build something around it.
He started debating with me. Not asking me to do it, just sharing his ideas. Laying out his thought process. Telling me what features it should have, how the data should flow, what the interface should look like.
Real product thinking from a 13-year-old.
I did the only thing I thought would work: I encouraged him and stayed out of the way. I didn't tell him what tools to use or help him with them.
I just guided him and told him to figure it out.
He started skipping his weekend TV sessions and spending time researching tools, watching tutorials, figuring out what's possible and started building a prototype. At the time of drafting this article, he's been discussing integrating an API to get live cricket scores for this dashboard.
The Part I Believe Is Important
If I had panicked six months ago when he was brain-dumping homework to ChatGPT, if I had locked everything down and made AI the enemy, none of this would have happened.
The brain dump phase wasn't the destination. It was a phase. Like when kids first get a bicycle and ride it into the wall. You don't take the bicycle away. You guide them.
What moved him from using AI to avoid thinking and instead learning it to build things wasn't a lecture. It was directing him in the right direction and creating an environment where he both sees and learns. He saw someone in his house trying to create things and discussing it openly, and eventually he thought: I could build something.
That's not something you can teach with a rule. That's something you model.
The 80% Rule (We Still Use It)
We do have one rule that stuck. I call it The 80% Rule.
Do at least 80% of the work yourself before you open AI.
It works for homework. It works for his dashboard too. He sketches the layout first. He thinks through the logic first. Then he uses AI to help him build what he's already designed in his head.
AI went from being his answer machine to being his building tool.
Same technology. Completely different relationship with it.
The Human vs Bot Challenge (Try This at Home)
Here's how it works:
- Ask your child to write a short note of advice to a friend who is upset.
- Then ask AI to write the same thing.
- Read both out loud together.
Then talk about it: Which one felt more real? Which one would you actually want to receive?
The AI version will be well-structured, grammatically perfect, and emotionally hollow. Your child's version will have awkward phrasing, maybe a private joke or a specific memory and it will feel human.
The point isn't to make kids distrust AI. It's to help them see what they bring that no algorithm can replicate: real empathy, real memory, and real connection.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Screen Time
I was reading something recently that said 1 in 4 kids now talk to their parents less because of AI chatbots.
I don't know if my boys are in that 25%. But I know there are evenings when I'm tired, when I'm on my phone, when one of them starts talking and I half-listen.
The chatbot doesn't do that. It's available at 2am. It doesn't check its phone. It doesn't say "give me a minute." It's endlessly patient and endlessly present.
And that's exactly what makes it risky for kids still figuring out who they are. Not because the chatbot is evil. Because it's easier than us.
The answer isn't to ban AI. The answer is to be more present than the chatbot.
What I've Learned
My son didn't start building things because I gave him a speech about AI. He started building things because I didn't scare him or ban it for him but rather guided him on what it can be.
I'm still figuring this out. But some parts seem to be working a bit.
Excited to see what he builds.
If this resonated, forward it to one parent who's navigating the same stuff.
That's how this grows.
Read the Times of India article: "How AI is becoming the third parent, and why that's scary" by Neha Bhayana